It was awesome that Party For One by Carly Rae Jepsen came out conveniently when I was wracking my brain finding the right title for this post. And you know, if you’re a regular here, that I’m inclined to name my post after songs (because I’m lazy and uncreative that way LOL) but enough chit-chat, the post is yes, about solitude and why I grown to love my alone time now. Of course, there are still so many things I still can’t do on my own (traveling overseas by myself is something I still don’t have the courage to pull off), but at least I found myself liking my me time outside home.
I’m not sure about you guys, but back when I was a wee bit younger—elementary, high school, or even college years—I always had to ask a friend to accompany me to the bathroom. Maybe this is just unspoken girl code, but going to bathroom? You need your gal pal! Or anything that teacher asked you, you need to ask a classmate to be with you. You just need to go with a friend. Eating alone? Embarrassing. Alone time was scary back then. I didn’t like being by myself, at least I needed one friend with me.
But after graduating and entering workforce, I had to do everything on my own. My college buddies were facing their own career path. We can’t be together anymore like before. I was on the crosspatch where I can’t ask anyone to accompany me. I need to do it. Just me. For some time, I was so uncomfortable eating lunch by myself ‘cos I was a newbie and I didn’t know anyone yet. It was dragging my teeny bit confidence further down. But after numerous job changes, and the cycle just happened all the time, I had gotten used to being alone. I stopped minding people. Or what I thought they were thinking of me. Because the truth is people rarely care about what you do. Worrying about the appearance of being a loner really didn’t matter. They rarely care. They, like I do, also think about our selves, minding our own issues. And in reality, I’m just a fleeting moment of their time (if they do happen to notice me at all). And it’s true in my case as well. Maybe something embarrassing happen to the guy on the other table, I’ll just think of it for a little while then poof—out of sight, of mind.
Every now and then, I go by myself. Dine outside by myself. Sometimes read alone. Heck, even attended a concert on my own. Even at home, I like my own company. I find hobbies and activities that can be done by myself truly invigorating. And I learn to love the time I spend for me. Me time is the best. It’s peaceful, it’s relaxing, it just everything an introverted person such as myself always craves. I’m not shutting people out, but I just grown comfortable of being alone.