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2020/01/09
Personal / I want to keep this steady phase—taking my sweet time.

I’m still thinking about the new year—it’s 2⃣0⃣2⃣0⃣!! And yeah, it is also the new decade. 🗓✨  I can’t believe we are here now, it’s 2020 & it feels like the year come and go & ain’t slowing down. I remember feeling bored for the short two months summer vacation back when I was kid. Time felt slow those times. But today? Two months feel short. Everything feels “now,” everything must be delivered in real time! And sometimes I feel confused how I process time.

Not gonna lie, there’s a little apprehension amidst the excitement as we currently tread the new year—new decade too. 💦 But I think being old as I am 👵 I can’t help reminisce about the old days. Not only about the good and the bad times (in 2013 I lost my dad, that was still the most shocking & loneliest point of my life, also when I had severe anxiety attack on the middle of New Year’s celebration back in 2014 going 2015) but most of all, I learned to look back to reflect and keep those things that kept me going & intact! Despite my numerous claim that my 2010s were the most confusing decade yet, surely there were tons of things I’d learned because of those experiences.

I want to do well for this year, for this decade. It helped me that I found the courage and confidence I’d lost back in my 20s. It was a struggle to reclaim ’em & I’m not saying I am cradling these feelings in abundance now. No, not really. Doubt arises here and there. There are times—often than I should admit—that I still second guessing myself. 😅 Although when times I feel lacking, I look back at those little triumphs 🏆 along the way as reminder. I try to revel them and pocket those positive feelings as weapon when self-doubt rears its head. I’ve learned to claim small victories so that it’ll remind me that I’m doing a good job. I’m not always a failure. That mistakes happen & that shouldn’t stop me.

I’ve already made TL;DR of what I want to accomplish this year! But there are more that I want to do! 💪 But I want to keep this steady phase—taking my sweet time. Sometimes its the process that makes it exciting, not exclusively the goal (but YAS for achieving goals!). So yeah, 2020 please be kind to us (I know there were so many stuff happened in this short amount of time, I pray that won’t define the year. Praying 🙏!!!) But first I have to start my journal system! A couple of days in & my journal is still empty!! Gotta start, gotta work! Gotta work, work, work!!

Credits: Image banner by Freshh Connection from Unsplash

 
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