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2018/10/27
Personal / all those positive things I learned, I'm carrying it in my 30s & beyond.

From Taylor Swift’s 22 lyrics “We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way. It’s miserable and magical oh yeah” Right, it pretty sums up my twenties. It was magical and miserable at the same time. I was free, very very confused, and lonely. It was not the best phase of my life tbqh but there were lots of learning I got from all the indecision and mistakes that I made from those times. And all those positive things I learned, I’m starting to carry them in my thirties and beyond.

Twenties wasn’t all that bad, but looking back I guess I was so reluctant to grow up. I was desperate clinging to my younger & responsible-less self. My mental state wasn’t at its best. Several check ups and one emergency room visit didn’t sound like a ball. I got my parents worried about me. I was just so confused, and fearful, and lot of times sad. I kept reminiscing my youth, the comfortable place I was in, the friends I had, the simplicity of my life before adulthood hit me in the face. I kept escaping. I tried to run away in every chance I got. I set myself to failure automatically. I limit myself to options that I think was easier, risk free. Until I got tired taking the easy way, and I reflected. I told myself I had enough. I have to face my fears. I took the the first step. That’s why I accepted my thirties like it was not a big deal. And unlike my juvenile self entering my twenties, I embraced my thirties and step by step work on my shortcomings. And still working on that!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
— Philippians 4:13 | NKJV

After I officially hit the 3-0, I was eager for the change. I started to stop mentally chaining myself and what I want to do with my age. I realized that today is always the best time to start. I had a long chat with my mom, and told her my plans. She wasn’t 100% onboard with it but she respected my decisions. This what I wanted to do. I had to try. Honestly, it was so hard not to procrastinate. It was even more difficult not to second guess my skills. Am I enough? But reading a lot of motivational stories, knowing the ups and downs are part of the process, and of course my faith that God will help me out, I’ve decided now’s the time. Regardless of the outcome I will do it. Now, I always tell myself that I will never know until I do it, and God will lead the way. He’s the best GPS we have in life. And I always bear that in mind. And I think I’m improving mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I just have to trust God and myself. Life is always a work in progress. It takes courage, hard work, and unfailing faith, a concept so hard for me to understand before but now keeping me intact.

I feel like I finally got the adulting gear moving on. Finally! I’m not saying that I got it all together and I’m sailing smoothly, but now I guess I’m good and I’m very grateful to God for the wisdom, the courage and opportunities. So what about reflections, nostalgia, and memories? They’re good. They were awesome but they were in the past. I forgot that making brand new awesome memories is always there. And accepting thirties does not mean I need to feel old to act mature. Age is a number but aspiration should not stop on when you deem is not young enough. Dreaming, and planning, and working towards it are acceptable at any age. So yes, I love my 30s and I can still feel like my 20s. I still feel like 22 even in my 32! I still keep dancing like I’m 22 in my 32!!

 
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